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    It's not that prayers aren't answered  echo $newRAM;
    added Sun September 19 2004 at 10:23 PM
    In fact, they were answered many times over tonite. I asked that I would be able to talk to mom, and I ended up seeing three other people online. Somehow, that didn't erase the sadness or loneliness. Nor did it really do anything about the desire to not wake up tomorrow. Not that I'm specifically tired, because I slept for several hours this afternoon. But sleeping through the day just sounds so much better than pretending to deal with it.

    I'll wake up tomorrow, though. Not because I really care about the day, or because I even want to. I'll wake up because I don't know how to do anything else. I'll go to class. Maybe I'll even make it to class on time. I'll go to work. Hopefully I can feel alive enough to work on something productive. I'll go to the Measurements Lab, and hopefully my group can get through the lab this week. I'll even go to FHE. But I fear that I'll walk through the day hollow and alone.

    For now, good night. I'm going to put on some loud music and close my eyes and try to drown out the silence outside and the pain inside.