|added Fri September 17 2004 at 11:07 AM
|[For the record, I wrote this yesterday, but my internet was down.]
People are starting to notice... it's been almost two full weeks since my last entry, and I've had several comments from various family members wondering what happened to me. I can think of several reasons why I haven't been writing much/at all lately. Some of them are good reasons, some of them are simply excuses. I guess in the interest of sharing what's up, I'll go over them until I either get bored of writing or have to go. These reasons aren't written in any specific order, basically, just whatever order my brain happens to spit them out.
First reason: lack of comfort. Not that I'm uncomfortable writing, but that I'm not comfortable in my new setup. I used to be able to lounge on my bed and think about the day while I read over my favorite websites, mulling over what I was going to write about that day. Now, I'm stuck in a hard chair sitting in front of the computer. I've tried various methods of setting up my monitor to view from across the room, using magnifying programs to see what I'm doing, but fact of the matter is that it's not as comfortable as the old method.
Less reliable internet. I'm reminded of this reason because at the moment I don't have an internet connection for some reason. I've had a total of probably 100 or more hours without internet in the past few weeks. This doesn't sound like a lot, but when a three day outage forces me to get out of my habit of writing, it's hard to get back in the swing of things. "One more day won't matter" is an all-too-familiar mantra.
I've had a lot on my mind the last few weeks. Stuff that I can't write about. I'm not giving out details right now (who knows, maybe I never will), but at the encouragement of my mom, I'll go ahead and let everybody know that there is a chance that I'll be leaving BYU. I can't even begin to make a prediction of what the chances are, because the bishop refused to give me any predictions. He seemed annoyed that I appeared worried about my student status, no doubt thinking (probably rightly so) that I should be worried about other things, like my spiritual progress. Suffice it to say that I've lived with too much guilt in the past, I don't see much point in beating myself up any more. School, on the other hand, I do still need to fight for, if for no other reason than because my schooling can possibly determine many facets of my future life. Indifference is never good, but it's easier than crying or whatever.
There's more to read. Read the extended entry.