|added Thu April 08 2004 at 4:57 PM
|I've spent probably 24 of the last 36 hours in bed. This morning was the first time that I debated not going to work. That's not to imply that I've never missed work before, because everybody knows that I have a tendency to sleep through that early 7 am shift. Usually, the only time I miss it, though, is because I'm not awake to decide to go.
This morning, I woke up late, and was awake enough to realize that I should be at work. Usually this realization alone is enough to make me pop out of bed, put a shirt on, and run out the door.
Not this morning. As I gathered my senses enough to get my day moving, I wanted nothing more than to lay back down. In the grey almost-morning hours, I lay my head back on the pillow and wanted to stay there. Not because I was especially tired, because I asn't necessarily. I just didn't want to be awake.
I did eventually pry myself out the door and into the grey-skied reality. The bad day at work was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I couldn't think, and I couldn't see the solutions, let alone explain the intricacies thereof. I came home, lay myself back down and tried my best to ignore the world for the next 6 hours.
And I succeeded. Somehow, I convinced myself to go to choir, but still haven't decided that it was worthwhile. I still imagine myself with my head laid on the pillow, staring into space as the time slips slowly, reluctantly through the reality that is far from my mind.
|added Thu April 08 2004 at 8:02 PM
|It's rather sad... I don't even feel like doing anything on my computer. I'm sure that if I currently had a game I was playing nonstop, I'd be playing it, just because it would cause all real brain activity to cease. I don't care enough to find something to deaden the senses, though.
I've three tests tomorrow... One for a late fee in the testing center, two in class. I'm not going to pretend that I deserve a good grade on any of them. I'm gonna bomb them. Yet somehow, it's hard to care enough to make myself study...