[544]=>Good morning
 [543]=>You know the fee...
 [542]=>Date more, care ...
 [541]=>Moving On



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 [RAndoMness]=> 28Sep09
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added Sun February 08 2004 at 3:16 PM
Let me tell you now that I have a general policy of not apologizing for what I write on my site. For one thing, it is my site. If you don't like what you read, then you shouldn't read it. From time to time, I may actually write something that I don't agree with, simply to see what people think. Or, more likely, I may write something that I do agree with that I know other people don't like, simply because this is my opportunity to voice my opinions.

That said, I want to apologize for last night's entry. Not that I wrote it, but for all the implications contained therein and what it means to certain people (specifically my family). I want everybody to know that the way I feel sometimes has nothing to do with them. I especially want my mom to know that these feelings are not her fault in any way.

When I came in from sledding last night about 12:20, there was someone on the phone for me. My first reaction was that it must've been Merry, since she was the only one that knew for sure that I was awake (seeing as I'd seen her about two minutes earlier). Area code 928... that would be my family. It turned out to be my brother.

It is never a good thing to get calls from family after midnite. It always means something's up. I commented on the time, and he said something to the effect that Eliza and Mom would both be calling as well. A quick glance at the board confirmed that my sister had called and I needed to call her. Those are the scariest two seconds of any day. Sudden calls from every member of the family at late hours of the night can mean quite literally anything. The first thought is to wonder who died or who is in the hospital.

To be perfectly honest, I'd completely forgotten about my earlier entry. I had enjoyed sledding, and was going to try to go to sleep (although I probably wouldn't have slept for another hour or two at least). Sorry Jacob, but I really didn't feel comfortable talking about it with you at the moment. It was the call from mom that scared me, though. The main reason why I stopped calling mom when I felt down was because I hated hearing her cry. I remember a couple times talking to her last year when I was so frustrated and she was getting more frustrated because there was nothing she could do.

A small part of me still tries to say that they all over-reacted. I mean, I didn't do anything after all, did I? Fact of the matter, though, is that I know they didn't. I don't think that I made the entry as a cry for attention, though. A lot of my writing is simply to get my feelings out. I haven't re-read it yet, but I've a feeling that I put down quite a bit more than what I initially planned on.

I'm sorry mom. I really don't want to hurt you.

I'm sorry.
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